The Shittiest Borough: How Councils are Fighting The London-Wide War on Dog Poo

London is waging a constant war – one that’s not protested nor picketed, but is still hugely important. We’re talking the war on dog waste.

Unpicked-up poop is a sadly familiar sight. We’ve all had that soul-shuddering moment when your foot doesn’t hit firm ground but a soft, smelly squish. Sure it’s a first world problem, but it’s one we really should have evolved past by now.

There are laws about ‘dog fouling’: you legally have to pick it up or face on the spot fines of £50-80 pounds. Repeat offenders taken to court can pay £1000 fines. That all sounds positive and proactive, but the culprits usually have to be caught in the act by Joe Public.

Most of us don’t have the time, energy or inclination to go on poo patrol. It certainly hasn’t made Time Out’s weekend top ten. On top of which, telling someone they need to pick up their dog poo doesn’t always go down so well. They may well pick it up, only to quite literally throw it back in your face. It’s a short lived victory.

Most councils have a ‘report dog poo and offenders’ button on their websites. It’ll only stop the problem though if you know exactly who the person is. Describing an individual and their dog isn’t going to narrow the investigative field. Plus line ups for Labradors haven’t taken off.

It’s therefore left to some more innovative boroughs to find alternative ways to both highlight and halt the problem.

FixMyStreet.Gov

Think GoogleMaps meets LBC Radio. Boroughs are starting to use fix.gov websites so that constituents can pin problem areas for the council to look into. Bromley and Greenwich are at the forefront of this: residents highlight areas of excessive dog mess and the council can quickly swoop on the poop.

It also makes it easy for the borough to see places with repeat offenders, so they know where to send the poo police. Bexley have a few dedicated officers that help patrol for pedigree criminals.

GraffiTurds

Lambeth is running a successful street champion scheme, where residents can become a champion for the area. They’re certainly not limited to dog poo issues, but it’s become a real crusade, with some turning to an unusual ally.

It’s not often spray paint gets council endorsement, but this is Banksy turned Barksy. Residents are being encouraged to spray paint poo luminous colours, a strange tactic that’s had great success elsewhere. The idea is that it helps people avoid treading in it and shames owners who think no one will notice. The spray is environmentally friendly and harmless to those that obey the law.

There’s also the joy of finding your faecal fashion trend: Camden Council went for bright pink, while others have gone neon green or understated purple. Who says poo has to be passé?

CSI: Crime Shit Investigations

Sometimes a story sounds too good to be true. Thankfully one borough has gone above and beyond in doggy-doo warfare and it’s the one you’ve been waiting for. Barking and Dagenham have hired reinforcements in the form of fantastically named PooPrint. Sadly not the worst Etsy shop idea in history, but a company that extracts DNA from poo and hunts down culprits using their database.

After a successful trial last year, B&D now want all owners to register their dogs to make finding offenders easier. Getting your dog swabbed and logged will be compulsory. Anyone living in council housing can now only keep dogs if their DNA is on file.

Once a poo has been spotted, PooPrint have the enviable task of taking samples and scanning the register. Owners get a warning the first time round, but after that face fines. It’s basically the weirdest CSI version yet. Horatio Canine here we come.

 

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