That Awkward Moment When America Views Breitbart More Than Pornhub

The far-right news site Breitbart now ranks at 29 in a rankings list of America’s top sites. This is according to Alexa, Amazon’s web analytics and market research company. The ranking is based on ‘daily time on site’, ‘daily page views per visitor’, ‘percentage of traffic from search’ and ‘total sites linking in’. The top four are naturally Google, Youtube, Facebook and Amazon.

Each visitor spends on average around five minutes on the site launched by Andrew Breitbart in 2007. Given their emotive clickbait focus, this is quite remarkable. Breitbart currently has trending such titles as ‘UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON DECLARES PROPER ENGLISH GRAMMAR IS RACIST’ and ‘LOW-SKILLED IMMIGRATION SET TO CONTINUE FOR ‘YEARS AND YEARS’.

In contrast, Pornhub averages nearly ten minutes with almost eight page views per visitor. That is a lot of ‘exploration’, suggesting just over a minute for each video. That is unless a more particular viewer spends more time flicking through search results pages before committing. As we are all aware, porn is all about commitment. Pornhub’s ‘Hottest videos in UK’ currently boasts ‘POVD – Gorgeous Leah Gotti f***ed and facialed after shower’ and the more modest ‘Brunette with Nice Tits’.

So what are the comparisons in these neck-a-neck contenders? A slight degree of misogyny might just be a common theme. Lack of attention span also seems likely. Or maybe these viewers are just blind for some reason…

A Universal Language

But all is not lost. While Breitbart maintains a very English-speaking demographic, Pornhub seems much more international. India and Japan each take 7.6% of visitors, above the UK’s 4.9%.    

This holds the reassuring truth that physical intercourse, among a fairly animalistic commentary of grunting and howling, transcends the divisive rhetoric of right-wing media. But pity America. Are you so chained by stoicism and skewed morality that you would sooner scorn immigrants than watch a ‘gal shoot ping pong balls?

 

What of UK rankings?

Currently, Live Jasmin of webcam ladies fame stands at number 20, suggesting the UK viewer is a conversationalist and likes to keep things real. This competes with the Daily Mail at number 19, proving there is a correlation between getting fired up on right wing agendas before flicking over to some flesh. These are both higher than Paypal (22) and IMDB (23) but Pornhub stands proud (heh) at number 26. This is just ahead of Bing, which is odd given no one uses that crap.

What Next?

Given this correlation between right wing news and filth, is there an opportunity to be had? Of course the Sun exploited this in print form years ago. Maybe the alt-right just crave a little love and compassion? Is there a space in the market for right-wing dating? Maybe this could give just a few angry people the chance to get something to do rather than propagating hate? Nigel Farage has certainly gone quiet after the revelation of a recent affair. ‘Swipe right with new dating app “Thatcher” for a brief “trade union” you won’t forget!’

 

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