Finding a Great Flatmate and Keeping Them

Everyone at uni seemed determined to move to London, but only a fraction ever did. I’d expected a whole new circle of mates to choose a flatmate from, but in reality I got three, all of whom got jobs and moved immediately into some unknown bedsit. Unless you’re lucky enough to know people on same path at the same time, you’re going to have to face living with strangers.

It’s certainly not as bad as it sounds. Sure there are horror stories, but most people are pretty nice. On the whole, Brits combine character with not liking to cause fuss – the ultimate housemate.

So where do you find these magical, mystery people?

Here’s a rundown if you don’t have friends of friends waiting in the wings but are desperate to spread yours.

Spareroom

Spareroom is where most people head. This means it’s full of opportunities, but some of those opportunities may be arseholes. Our recommendation is: be specific. There are so many people using this site that one of them will be ideal. Why not skip the polar opposites and give a good idea of what you want. If you have a place, don’t focus on filling the room asap – you will find someone. Write a bit about you, your likes and pet peeves, so that you don’t waste anyone’s time.  https://www.spareroom.co.uk/london

Speed Flatmating

Finally someone’s putting the fun into finding flatmates. It’s exactly what you think – speed dating for accommodation, with regular events across London. Turn up with a place to fill or looking for somewhere and start meeting potential pals immediately. No longer can people hide behind flowery words and easy promises; h
ere you get an immediate first-hand look at who you’re inviting home. It’s obviously pretty quick, but swap numbers with any that meet your standards, be they low or high, and go from there.  http://www.speedflatmating.co.uk/

The Old-fashioned

If you haven’t got friends in need of a housemate, why not find one? You can use your time wisely if you don’t need to move in post-haste. This is especially useful if you have something that’s perhaps difficult to live with – say, your interest in african drumming or life-affecting OCD. Sites like Meetup.com can get you together with like-minded people, and you may well meet your match. Time to turn that hobby or hang-up into a housemate-hunting tool.

Being a Good Flatmate?

So you’ve achieved the seemingly impossible and found a flatmate or few. Now what? Being a good flatmate isn’t something you’re taught, but the way you’re brought up has a lot of sway. It’s why it can be so difficult to share – sometimes you really do need to change the habits of a lifetime to get along.

It’s bad enough realising that the dishwasher stayed with you parents or your ex actually did do all the laundry like they said. Dealing  with other people’s idiosyncrasies can be a very sour cherry on top of an already stressful cake. Want a guide in getting along? Read on.

Don’t be a dick

This shouldn’t need explanation, but just in case…

Don’t be the one who leaves passive aggressive notes because it’s less confrontational than actual, adult conversation. Don’t be that person who leave piles of washing up so no one else has crockery.

Don’t play your music too loud, don’t bring home endless numbers of people (be they friend, partner of ONS) and don’t leave a mess. All of this should be obvious, but if you’re not sure what constitutes being a dick, JFGI.

Communication

So this is the biggie. We’d all love to afford our own places, but that dream may be a long bloody way away. Even then, you’ll likely end up with a partner and the whole process of combining lives and rooms begins again. The key to surviving it all is communication.

If something annoys you, let it go – it may just be you having a shit day after all. If it continues to bug, then say something and say it nicely. No one wants to piss people off and pointing out problems now will save a lot of hate later. It’s an ongoing process, so don’t take everything levelled at you as criticism.

Cleaning

Be clean if you can or get a cleaner if you can’t. Agree on how your system works upfront and check in every now and then. Take turns with the crap stuff and remember – you can still take out the bins even if it’s not your turn.

No one wants to live in a dump or with strict rules and regs: it’s your home after all. Everyone can forgive the odd mess now and again, just don’t make a habit of it. Habits can breed hate.

If you cook, you clean – tonight. And don’t do that thing with the sink full of greasy water and dirty dishes. Your flatmates will have every right to drop your toothbrush in with the lot and watch you go fishing in old, floating fusilli.

Upkeep

If something runs out on your watch, replace it. You’d be justifiably annoyed if you crawled in late and someone had used the last of the toothpaste. Or discovering post-poop that the last loo roll was used to mop up spilled Sauvignon.

You just love half hour showers? Good for you, but no more. Leave enough hot water and other essentials for everyone else.

Privacy

Neither room hoggers nor bedroom hiders make fun flatmates. Find a balance between privacy and community that suits everyone.

If you’re lucky enough that someone wants to have sex with you, don’t gloat by making out in the kitchen or dry-humping on the moth-bitten but much-loved chaise longue. Keep it in your pants until you’re in your room. Once there, the rest of us need no running commentary of what’s good and who’s whose daddy, so keep it down.

Conversely, don’t be a sex grinch. Give getting busy flatmates the benefit of the doubt (maybe it really is that good) and turn up the tv or put in earplugs.

Lastly but most importantly: share a house, not your nudity.

Partners

No one signed up for them, they don’t pay rent, and not everyone thinks they’re as cute as you do. Be considerate and if you can’t live without them, go live with them and leave the rest of us in single peace.

Borrowing

Booze = no. Not even, no way, never. Don’t care how drunk you are, go pick up your own poison.

For the rest, just ask, even if you’ve asked before. If it’s really desperate (your only shirt has bolognese on and you have an interview in half an hour) then own up to it. Admitting it and being grateful beats being a dick (see point one) every time.

Be Generous

This is what makes the difference between good flatmates and great ones. Great flatmates refill the ice tray, clean when they don’t need to, bake just because or bring home things to share.

They’ll also pay their way (always on time) and are willing to accept that we all have bad days. Be generous and you’ll be on your way to flatmate glory.

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